


spiongebobs burgers and coffee and modeling (featureing: squiadward)

by ratt



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23414770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratt/pseuds/ratt
Summary: spongebob is wokrin at a coffe shop and then squidwar d comes ina nd hes like hi secksy do u want a job and sponegobs like ye
Relationships: Eugene Krabs & Pearl Krabs, Eugene Krabs/SpongeBob SquarePants, Plankton/Dio, Sandy Cheeks/SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants/Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	spiongebobs burgers and coffee and modeling (featureing: squiadward)

Spongebob sighed, he loved his job but he jsut wanyed more. He looked around the cozy shop that he had grown so familar with. It was all too simeple. The brown walls covered in art that once looked so vibrant and bitch i dunotn secy? Everything was so dull and spongebob was mega secy beautiiful with all of his lorge holes. h e traced his long slender yellow absoulute twink fingers along the counter wishing that he could instead trace it akong his sexy boss daddy mr krabs mega huge throbbing coc-

“Excuse me, can i pzlease order?”

Spongebob snapped back to reality, his flawlessy beautiful face flushed in embarrasament. 

“A-a-a-a-a-ah yes, of course. I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting, sir. What would you like to or-”

And for the first tiem SPonegbob looked at the man standin at the oppoosite side of the counter. He was tall an slender, with lots of long legs that spongebob wanted to caress with his tongue, and a big ass head like this mf looked like a doorknovb but maybe something else was big too ;)  
His skin was blue like those cringey avaters but lawd he was dreamy. 

“One black coffee and please, no sugar. I like my coffee black. Like my men.” 

‘Oh jeez,’ Spongebob thought to himself. ‘There’s a gay in my store.’

“Ok, I lit rally didnt ask.” 

Spongebob said before turning to his statiom to grab the coffee pot and and a plastic cup bc the world stopped being sexy when caleb finn got corona smh my head. As spongebob prepared the coffee he thought of the man waiting at the counter and got a sudden rush of confidence. He turned and as he handed the cup to the blue binch he said;

“Hey, you’re kinda big sexy, want a sexy load in your ass.” Sponegbob grinned a twink smile. (he wsas a bottom but plz dont tell or else i will call the police and frik them)

“No but do you want a job?” Sqiudward didn’t even acknowledge the statement made by the yellow big bird lookin square. He instead watched as the other mans facial expressions flitted from surprise to confusion.

SPongebob handed the cup to the other man and in exchange the blue man handed him the amount owed. 

“A job? What are you talking about, I already have a job here.” Spongebob counted the money before putting it in the registor and looked back up at the gay. 

“Yeah, no shit sherlock. I think you have a large peepee and i wanna suck it. Also you’re sickly yellow skin is such a turn on i amn lit rally gonna nut.” Squidward sipped his smoking hot coffee and Spongebob wondered if he had a smoking hot body to match. 

“By the way,” Squiadwad said, reaching into his pocket. Spongebob half wished that he was reaching for a gun. I mean, who wouldn’t want a sexy hot man to point a gun at them and shoot them in the heart. ANyways, unrelated but I;the authro; wnat a scene just like the one between komaeda and kamukura but child anyways so-

“Here’s my card. My names Squidward Sexyass and i’m the sexyest manger in bikini bottom and i’m the seckiest bottom in bikini bottom heehe” Squiadward handed Spongebob a card that had a dick pic on it and taht was i t but it was lorge. 

“My names Spongebob Squaretits.” Spongebob glanced down at the card, studying it.

“A manager, huh? So what are you trying to ge tme to do?”

Squidward smiled and stood up taller. “Well-’ but PSongebob interrupted him. 

“OH My GOSH Yrur just tryna get into my hawt tight sqare pants??!?!?!?!? You BAKA!”

“N-nu….oppa…...i’m trying to get in your shorts not your pants.” Swuidward XDed at spongebob.

SPongebob immediately brightened up. “O-oh,,,,sorry daddy my bad.” 

“It’s ok, thiccy. I want to be your manager so you can show your sexy weiner to the rest of the world.”

“OMG for realzz???” spongebob squealed

“Yes, just come sign some paperwork for me and i’ll make you a star babey.”

Spongebob glanced around the coffee shop. Besides the two of them, there wasn’t anyone else but the two of them and his, mostly likely, passed out manager sleeping in his office. daddy mr krabs OWO

Squiadward stopped walking to a small table by the window, sponegbob following close behind. The two of them sat down and quiward took off his large jacket and pulled a folder out of it. He placed the folder on the table and slid it towards spongebob, who opened it slowly.

“What are you being so slow for? The papers don’t bite….but i do.” Squidward winked and spongebob nutted.

Sponge boy bit his lip (yes ik very hot) as his bb bleu eyes scanned the pages within the folder. There were lots of big important words tha t spongebobs dumbass didnt understand. Its ok though, cause nothing bad ever happens to super sexys. 

“Wow...you’re promising quite a lot here…” Spongebob just couldnt believe his luck. It’s not every day that a thick twink comes in and basically promises to be your sugar daddy.

“I’m going to give you a lot. I’ll give you the whole world, sexy.” Squidward gave the yellow boy a fond smile.

“Please...quit your job...come with me...lets be together…” Squidward stood up and got down on four knees, pulling out a box.

Spongebob gasped.

“Gasp!” spongged bob gasped 

“Spongebob….would you make me the happiest slut in the world and marry me?”

“Gasp! Oh my god…. I thought you owuld never ask!!!” Spongebob got out of his chair and and squidward stood and pushed the ring onto spongbebobs fat ass finger. 

“Damn bitch you thick as hell,” squidward said before kissing spongebob. Yes they kissed bc they are married they arent whores who kiss b4 marriage smh

“I’ll do it. I’ll do it for you, squiddy. I’ll quit my job and we can live happily together. I’ll be your sex e house wifey!”

“Ok cool”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Time skip like 69 ufkcn,,,,,uhhhhhhh years  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Spongebob strutted down the runway as billions of fans screeched his name. He pulled a microphone out of his ass and said into it,

“Are you ready, kids?!”

The tied up people in the stands were n o t ready but sometimes, it just be like that.  
As Spongebob walked he made eye contact with his old friend Sandy. She gave him a supportive smile and a thumbs up but spongebob decided that straight people are cringe so he gave her the middle finger and honestly,,, tea.

Spongebob came walking back down the runway and into the back where he met with his big strong daddy of a husband. They embraced and kissed and spongebob grinded his fat weiner onto squidwards like fuckinghg 8? Legs. bitch i had to asjj how many elgs an octopus had last night and my gay ass friend was like 8 bitch so shes cancelled.

Squidward pulled spongebob into a closet, just like the one that they once came out of haha gay joke, and they began making out. Squidward put his thick tentacle on spongebobs chest and undid his gucci shirt. Spongebob always said he liked tentancle porn and tbh thats cringe.

I just forgot how sex works for a second lmao, I gave up being a whore for lent. 

Squiddward gave spongebob lots of sexy kisses and spongebob, moaned. Yeehaw. Spongebob reached down and undid squidwards team 10 jake paul merch pants and kneeled down to suck his peepee. Spongebob fucking deep throated that bitch like a champ and gave it a good suck. As spngebob did...that, squidward played with the jojo siwa bow that was stuck to his head. 

Spngebob reached down his own pants and started stroking his massive dong (apparently thats also the word for vietmenese money hehe sexy *heart eyes*) 

Squidward gasped at the sight and spongebob looked at him with large sexy eyes. Squidward looked away, blushing and said,

“S-Stop it spongebob-kun!! I-I’m gonna i-ink!” 

And then suddenly *gasp* the door opened!

And in stepped plankton!! And omg Dio!! Is that a jojo reference-

“Ew cringe! I bet they watch sword art online!” Plankton spat at them. Like literally. Daddy plankton plz spit on me.

Spongebob and squidward scrambled to stand up and put away their massive cocks.

“Actually we watch only tana monguages reality show so shut the frick up.” SPongebob said

“Thats crazy bro but who asked.” Plankton said, like a boss, before turning to Dio. 

“Dio, kill these people like you killed that twinks dog. And then bite me so we can be sexy vampires together uwu”  
Dio nodded before turning to the soonge and squid.

“Muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda.”

“oh FUCK.” SPongebob screamed, cowering down before the almightl Dio.

Dio jumped into the air and screamed, 

“Za warudo-” 

But before time could freeze, a new challenger approached the battle field and oh lawd it was patrick star in stripper boots.

Patrick strutted into the world and slapped Dios ass, causing him to fall on top of plankton and they both died, lol rip. 

“Patrick! You saved us! B-...but why?” spongebob stuttered out like an absolute virgin. 

“Because,” Patrick reached his hand out to spongebob who took it and pulled him closer. Whispering into spongebobs ear, he said;

“I love you.” 

SPongebob gasped, fuckignbf again bc ig this bithh got asthma, just like his idol tana mongeau omg q u e e n.

Spongebob smiled and rested his head on patricks shoulder. 

“I love you, too. I always have. I’ve been waiting forever for this moment.” Spongebob said before turning to Squidward.

“We’re no longer couple goals. Becasue we’re no longer a couple. Get rekted, btich.”  
Spongebob said. He walked over to Squidaward and pulled the ring off of his tentancle. He brought the ring back to Patrick and placed it on his weird ass stub of an arm.

“Now we’re divorced and i’ve married a new, better man. Later, skater.” Spongebob left the closet with Patrick and Squidward stayed sitting on the floor, crying.

Squidward cried for a while, like the absolute pussy that he is, before he got an idea. He stood up and walked out of the closet with a smile on his face, heading straight for the man of his dreams. 

Squidward got in his car and drove to the place where it all started.

Yep, you guessed it.

That crusty ass cafe.

Squidward arrived, got out of his car and walked into the building. He took a deep breath before heading into the office and saw just who he was looking for. That’s right. Mr krabs

The crab was sitting at his desk counting monopoly money since that bitch broke. 

“Hello again you old fuck” 

Squidward spoke confidently, with an arrogant smile on his face. mr krabs looked up from his colourful handful of money and gave squidward an uninterested glance. Mr krabs scoffed before looking back at his money.

“What do you want, boy?” mr krabs spoke with a neutral tone.

“Your fat dick, daddy.” 

Mr krabs immediately looked up at squidward. He put down the money and gestured for squidward to come towards him, which he did. 

“Then get on your knees and suck it.”

Squidward happily opened, getting on his knees and pulling the zipper of mr krabs pants so that h e could suck.

Mr krabs goaned and grabbed squidwards fat ass bald head, pushing it down further. 

Eventually that bitch nutted and squidward stood up. They stood in silence for a bit before mr krabs spoke.

“Ya know, if you wanted our marriage to start again you could’ve just told me. You didnt have to marry that twink to try and make me jealous.”

Squidward looked down, in shame or some shi t idk

“I know...i’m sorry sir i was just so sad whenn you married Pearl.”

“Pearl?” 

Squidward looked up at him.

“Yeah, don’t you remember? You divorced me so that you could marry her.”

“Literally what are you talking about”

“How do you not remember this? Are you like stupid or something?”

Squidward could feel himself getting more and more frustrated. 

“Oh! Haha you stupid idiot, you misunderstood me.” mr krabs gave a fond smile, looking at the absoultely dumbass, haha get wrecked.

“I misunderstood? How? What?” Squidward was confused and was looking through his memories, trying to remember what really happened.

“I divorced you so that i could look for pearls, not marry pearl. Thats incest which is gay.”

“Oh...tea.”

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

**Author's Note:**

> uh s/o to everyone in the discord for supporting this bs


End file.
